I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
