Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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