Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
