Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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