do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
