I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize