Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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