His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
