fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
