Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
