Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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