Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
