Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
