This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
