i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
