Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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