so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
