even my farts smell like vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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