Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
