i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
