Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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