Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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