I seem to have left my pride at pride
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
