he puts the penis in happiness.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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