i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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