K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
