i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
