He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
