they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
