if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
