You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
