he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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