why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
