I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just forgot I was standing up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
