Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
