brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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