dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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