my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
