Screwed.edu
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
