I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
