laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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