My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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