Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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