she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
