Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
