I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
