5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
