there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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