Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
