i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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