something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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