The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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