Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
