He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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