One girl and one boy is just not enough.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
handjob tips. give me some.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
