Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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