The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
