I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize