I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
