What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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