I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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