If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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