At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
