Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
