hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
