someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
