rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Someone signed my nipple.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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