Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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