If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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