this just has baby written all over it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
