careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want her autograph on my taint
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
