Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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