Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
