Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
